Thursday, January 03, 2013

Jack and Margot: Week One

Jack and Margot turned one week old last night at 10:10 and 10:13 respectively. One week, yet it feels like much longer than that. These past seven days have been long, and without the interruption of sleep the nighttime hours have spilled into day, piling atop one another like one continuous 168 hour day. A 168 hour day that feels like a month. And while I haven't enjoyed every minute of it, I wouldn't trade a second because each second means I get to be with the new loves of my life. You'd think by now, after Liam, Isla, and Wren, I wouldn't be surprised by the powerful love that hits you the instant you see your baby, but somehow I am.

So, before put myself to sleep with all this typing, I really should get out some details for family record purposes. If I don't write it down, it won't exist a few months from now when I (hopefully) come out of this sleep-deprivation fog.

Jack and Margot were born the day after Christmas, late in the evening. One of these days, sooner rather than later (again, hopefully), I'll write out their birth story. Their first night in the hospital was spent in the NICU for observation, but they were allowed to leave the NICU and move up into the Mother/Baby floor the next day around noon. Billy and I spent the next 36 hours with the babies at the hospital, trying our best to get the hang of keeping them alive while supported by an endless rotation of doctors, nurses, lactation consultants, etc. I wasn't ready to leave the safety net come Friday night, but we had little choice. It'd been 48 hours and our insurance kicked us out.

The weekend was a blur. There was a doctor's appt on Saturday to check Jack and Margot's bilirubin levels, blessed help from my Mom overnight, and some stress and anxiety over possible exposure to the chicken pox virus and a stomach flu virus. This anxiety hasn't entirely dissipated, and I'm kindly asking my friends and family in the area to give me some time before I feel comfortable with visitors. I feel like a mother bear guarding her cave, so as much as I want to show off my cute little cubs, I just may bite off your head if you show up at my house, your seemingly germ-free hands itching to hold my babies.

Sunday night Connie came over with Liam, Isla, and Wren (they'd been with the Snyder's since the twins' birth) and for the first time Billy and I had all our kids together under the same roof. I'd missed them so much that just the sight of them made me cry. My heart felt so full. "These are my kids" I thought to myself, "all of them. This is us." And I felt so complete. I hope I can tap into this joy in the future when the reality of FIVE kids throws me into the inevitable stress freakout or poor-me pity party or CAN I JUST PEE BY MYSELF moment.

Monday afternoon I took the twins into the pediatric clinic for yet another bilirubin check up. This time the news wasn't good. Jack's levels were fine, but Margot's weren't and the doctor said she needed to go to the hospital for an overnight stretch under the "bili" lights. The prospect of having to go back to the hospital with both babies by myself was more than I could handle, and I cried a lot. In the end, it wasn't so bad. The nurses were kind, Margot slept hard and well in her warm little bed, and Jack was pretty easy on me. The next morning brought great news too. Margot's levels had dropped significantly and we could go home, but before we did she pooped her way through 5 diapers, proving the lights really did allow her body to metabolize the bilirubin.

Tuesday night was uneventful. Connie came to help out overnight and oh how merciful her service was. Between Connie and my mom and good friends, Billy and I are really coping pretty well. So thanks guys.

Another check up yesterday. Jack's bilirubin was down, and so was Margot's. The doctor put them in the clear and promised no more heel pricks. Hooray! They had also gained 2 ounces in 2 days, both weighing in at 5 lbs, 6 oz, just 3-4 oz. down from their birth weight. 

Then, this morning. I don't even know where to start or what to say because everything is still so fresh and raw and open to infection so I am just going to go for it and hope for the best. This morning the babies were in their cribs, just minutes into a nap, when I decided to go check on them. I found Margot lying in her crib, spit up pooling in her mouth and nostrils, her body rigid, her eyes wide open in panic. I hurried and picked her up, turned her over and patted her back hard. I wasn't too worried yet, thinking I could just pat the fluid right out of her. This didn't work though. She continued to arch her back with all her strength, grunting every few seconds as if she were trying to get something up out of the back of her throat. I ran downstairs with her to grab the suction bulb, and by the time I had it I was very, very scared. I could feel the fear in my tiny little girl and I wanted so badly to take it away from her. Luckily Billy was home, working in his office, so I ran in there and gave her to him. "I think she's choking," I said. He worked hard to get whatever it was in her mouth out and after a minute or two he told me to call the doctor. "The doctor or 911?" I asked and I felt sick when he said 911. Billy is not one for panic or overreaction of any kind. If he thinks I need to call 911, than it really is as bad as it looks. The next five minutes were awful and I don't really want to talk about them. I can say that Billy saved my little girl's life, even though he would argue he didn't, and that I know my prayers were answered in the most merciful way of my life. By the time the paramedics arrived things were looking better, but they decided to take her to the hospital for an x-ray and tests. She's home now with a clean bill of health and angel over her shoulder. That's all I can say about that for now.

Here are some pictures. 






Dolores Weed said...

Congratulations on your beautiful new babies! What a scare! Our thoughts and prayers are with you!

Danelle said...

Your babies are so cute! I especially love that last pic of them snuggled up and sleeping. Sorry for the scares! That is awful! I'm glad everything is okay. I hope those little twins continue to thrive. Good work Becca and Billy!

Anonymous said...

Your kids are beautiful! Great job Becca and Billy, what tender mercies the Lord gives us...way to think quickly :-) prayers and love to you guys.- Brie Stott

Kendra said...

Hmm...for some reason my comment didn't go through. How awful that must have been for you! My baby girl, Elsie, did the same thing at about a week old when she was strapped into her car seat. Luckily we weren't in the car and she was able to get the spit up out quickly. I can imagine how scary that was for you! Have you considered she might have reflux? Elsie sleeps on a bouncy chair at an incline so she won't spit up or chock on it as much. Just a thought. Anyway, I'm so glad she is ok. You have such a beautiful family. I'm so happy for you. I think the twins look a lot alike! (From what I can tell). Congratulations! And here's to getting more sleep!

gardeniagirl said...

I love you and I'm so proud of you. Being a mother is magical and is such a blessing. I pray that everything will go well, and that you'll keep your sanity. Let's talk when you get your bearings.

Amanda+Jonathan said...

Becca, Jack looks so much like Liam, right?

I'm so sorry about Margot. Seriously, when I read it I thought I was going to throw up. The stress, the anxiety. It's too much

You know this same thing happened with Sawyer, right? Thankfully we were still in the hospital though. Sawyer was in his little bassinet sleeping and Jonathan and I were curled up in the hospital bed dosing off while watching a TV show, when Jonathan looked over at Sawyer and jumped out of bed. I can still remember seeing my little baby struggling to breath with fliud gurgling from his mouth and nose. His little face was turning purple and his body was tight. Jonathan patted his back, but it just seemed to get worse. So he ran Sawyer out to the nurses station and said, "My baby isn't breathing!" The nurse smirked, "He's breathing" and grabbed him out of Jonathan's hands. Then I saw her face change. She was scared. She and three other nurses ran down the hall to the baby triage room with my baby in their hands. They were stripping off Sawyer's swaddle and clothes as they ran. Jonathan ran with them, but as hard as I tried to keep up, I couldn't. My body could not physically run that fast after giving labor. I just broke down in the hall, not knowing the fate of my little Sawyer. Finally a nurse swung the door open with a relieved smile and said, "Hear that crying? That's your baby!!"

I can't imagine what I would have done if I weren't at the hospital? I'm so glad you had Billy.

Just as a warning this happened again with Sawyer, not nearly as dramatic though. Don't worry.

I love you. I'm sorry for the stress. I'm thinking and praying for you guys!

Nancy Bean said...

So glad that everything is fine with Margot. The twins are beautiful. You are so fortunate to have "angel" grandmas close by to help you. Was also so glad that Billy was home when you needed him. You have a beautiful family!

Morgan said...

Oh my gosh Bec! I didn't read this right away because I assumed it was all mostly what I've already chatted with you about. I am just so floored about what happened - and the fact that the same thing happened with Sawyer! I am SO GLAD things are okay. I hope YOU are okay, because just from reading that I'm disturbed!

Anth said...

Oh you sweet mama. Your little babies are so adorable. I can't believe you have FIVE children now! Congratulations! I am really glad the grandmas are helping out. Just thinking about twins makes me tired.

Also VERY glad Margot is okay. How scary. My mom was resistant to putting my babies on their backs for this very reason - because she found my brother (now 27) choking in his crib when he was newborn. We had to compromise - she would prop the babies with pillows and blankets so they were on their sides. Haha

Interesting that you mentioned an angel - I had to take my baby (well she is 17 months old now) to the ER recently for croup. Before we left my husband gave her a blessing. He said guardian angels were watching over her too. So glad we have these angels watching over our babies!

Mary Kelly said...

You are doing and will continue doing such an amazing job caring for those two little angels! What a blessing to have them both home and healthy! Congratulations and keeping taking things one day at a time.
(Not sure if this would give you hope or scare you, but my sister had twins (#5 and #6 for her)at the beginning of September- they are already sleeping through the night and my sister is already starting to feel like "her old self." The first few months were a haze, but she always, always says it is 100% worth it!) You can do this!!!

O'Hale said...

All your kids are adorable! Lynsey really misses seeing your kids. Liam and Isla have really grown up and it is so fun to hear how your family is doing!

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